Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Kiwl em Giwbert

In case you missed Slam Online's recent interview with Gilbert Arenas, here are some highlights:


SLAM: If you had to choose between video games and porn for the rest of your life, which one would you go with?

Gil: Porn.

SLAM: Why?

Gil: Cause I’m a man. Video games is kids stuff.

SLAM: But as far as porn goes, you can get the real thing anytime you want to. There’s no substitution for video games.

Gil: That’s what you think. ‘Real’ men don’t hit it as much, from what I’ve heard. You got a little porn in your life, it’s all there for you. If your woman’s trippin’, bam, you’ve got it.


SLAM: Murder, Marry and F*ck. I give you three people and you have to pick one for each.

Gil: Oh, I’ve seen that on 30 Rock. Okay.

SLAM: Alright. Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg and Star Jones. What do you do?

Gil: I’d marry Oprah of course…

SLAM: For the money?

Gil: Yeah. She’s also the cutest one out of those three. I’d f*ck….Whoopi and I’d murder Star Jones cause she has a Rottweiler’s head on a Doberman Pinscher’s body.

SLAM: She does look like a deflated parade float.

Gil: Big bobblehead.

SLAM: Alright. Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama?

Gil: That’s rough. I’d marry Obama….

SLAM: Why is that?

Gil: Cause if she got him this far in the Presidential race, I know she can do wonders for me!

SLAM: I hear that.

Gil: And uh…..I’d f*ck Palin…and who was the other one, Bush?

SLAM: Clinton. Hillary Clinton.

Gil: Yeah, and I’d marry Hillary. I mean I’d kill Hillary. She just looks conniving.

SLAM: Yes! Thank you.

Gil: She’d have you assassinated at any minute. She’s just ready to get in there and push the button.

SLAM: Speaking of politics, it looks like you’ve been replaced on the Obama/Arenas ticket by Joe Biden. How do you feel about that?

Gil: With who?

SLAM: Joe Biden.

Gil: Joe Budden?

SLAM: Joe Biden.

Gil: That’s the problem, I don’t even know who he is.

SLAM: You don’t know who Joe Biden is?

Gil: No.

SLAM: He’s Obama’s running mate.

Gil: That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know who he is. I’m the only Vice President cause I was the original Black President. So when Obama came into office, I said “I’ll slide aside, let him be in command and I’ll be his sidekick.”

SLAM: You’re probably the better backup anway. That way, if anyone kills the Black President, there’s another Black President.

Gil: That’s right. And I’m a wild card.

SLAM: What do you know about Sarah Palin?

Gil: That she’s a female Bush. Retarded. I’m not that into politics, I try to stay away until things get closer. But just from what I can tell she’s a moron. She can’t bullshit yet. As a politician she doesn’t know how to bullshit. She’ll just run around the question. “Who’s better, Kobe or LeBron?” “Well you know D.Wade, he’s been looking nice lately, so those are tough choices.” What the f*ck are you talking about?!

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