Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Desperate times call for desperate measures

Vagina Abuse

Front booty abuse is one of my pastimes, but are these young girls ruining future generations by hurting their reproductive holes? I'll have to do some investigation of my own this weekend.

Thanks for the links Doyle. Watching this vagina abuse was very empowering. It makes me feel great being a MAN in 2k9.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Sore Throat

I love it when a girl tells me I gave her a sore throat. It feels like such an accomplishment. Even if it was only strep.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Nigella's XXXmas

Cooking is quickly becoming my favorite hobby. Not because I like cooking but it's fun getting fat and cooking shows are so erotic. I constantly pop boners watching Food Network. I'm starting to learn that the real action is on British cooking shows. Check out how sexy Nigella Lawson is.

Rachael Ray Gives Me A Stiffy
Aria Giovanni in the Kitchen

In Case You're Sleeping

<a href="">Smack Ft. D-Lo by Roach Gigz</a>

<a href="">Thumbs Down by Roach Gigz</a>

This is how I'm living.
<a href="">Drive Slo by Roach Gigz</a>

Really Check out the whole tape.

Friday, December 19, 2008


I guess I've been a little faulty checking my email, I'm a couple days late with this. I highly recommend this tape. GAS.



"Bay Area rappers Roach Gigz and Lil 4Tay collaborate to form the group B.I.G. (Bitch I Go). This is a "turf tape" compilation of released and unreleased original tracks they have recorded over the past two years. It includes the song "Git It" and "YOY" which have both received considerable play on Bay Area Clear Channel Radio Stations 106 KMEL and WILD 949. Their debut album titled "M.A.N.G.O." is scheduled to be released in 2009.

released 16 December 2008

Production by SWERVE, Roach Gigz, Doc Dolla, Reggie Reg, Fonz (Mobb Fam), and Jay Ant (Diligentz)

All songs written and performed by Roach Gigz and Lil 4Tay

Hosted by Mistah Fab"

Real hot. Check out Roach Gigz myspace to hear some next level astroplane stuff.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I feel really uncomfortable making jokes about Asians.


Drama - Left Right Left

Eff Food Network

Rachael Ray has nothing on Aria Giovanni in the kitchen.... or in the rack.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Nancy in Sugar Town

Obviously we know Nancy Sinatra's boots did lots of sexy things:

"These Boots Were Made For Walking"

But Nancy also F'd with an S-load of MAD MAD COLA:

RC Cola Ad

When you're a total babe, you don't have to buy your own drugs. This song is about Nancy's sugar daddy (Lee Hazlewood prolly) buying her hella drugs (she put so much candy up her nose they called her Olivia Twist):

Nancy Sinatra - Who Will Buy?
"I'm so high, I swear I could fly / me oh my I don't want to lose it"

When you spend all your money on cocaine and have to live in the woods, but you don't care because you're high as F, it's called living in Sugar Town:

"Sugar Town"

And when you're on an epic coke bender, you inevitably do something stupid like getting married:

Lee Hazlewood and Nancy Sinatra - Jackson
(When you have a sweet mustache you can pretty much beat the shit out of women and they love it)

If you haven't heard a lot of Nancy Sinatra, you should check out The Essential Nancy Sinatra, she's got some legit jammies (I'm knocking The Highway Song nonstop right now).

Messages From the Stars

Thursday, December 11, 2008



just check out the fresh advertising over the years:





GIRL YOU GOT A 10 PIECE PLEASE DON'T BE STINGAAAAY! <---probably one of the best commercials i've ever seen.

the ultimate ALTcessory

it's fun to have a little animal you can dress up and take care of until you're sick of it and you can leave it at the pound-- they won't let you do that with a baby which is bullshit. but like, seriously, everyone has a f'ing dog and if you carry around a cat ppl think you're homeless. i want an animal that is like 100% ironic in a modern urban setting, and takes HUGE shits that i totally won't pick up:

Uh Huh Her - Not A Love Song
speaking of huge piles of shit, how awful is that song? mute it and watch the shit out of that mini-horse.

for real though, that little mini horse would totally fit in my loft. and he'd fart on the elevator and get really huge red rockets...


I've been waiting hella long for this video to drop.
I'm kinda getting a jelly belly like Gucci.

Gorilla Zoe, Gucci Mane - Waddle


The other week I saw some a rap video with a kid wearing a fur-lined lumber jack hat (with ear flaps), a college hoodie, basketball shorts and flip flops rapping about beer pong. I didn't get it. I've been trying to figure out who the fuck Asher Roth is, and how did he get famous.

I figured it out. He brings out the high-heels. Thanks for your investigative work Internets Celebs.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Think Twice

In 1992, the El Paso police department fancied themselves rappers in this cautionary tale about gangbangers. The song's called "Think Twice" (words & music by Greg Brickey).

Dear Keyshia,

I've changed. I promise. Lets try this again. I know I messed up. I can't do this without you. I'm buying you a Southwest ticket. Come to L.A. Lets do some make up sex.

<3 W

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Times are tough. I'm not buying Christmas presents this year. I'm just emailing this guy with 10 different fake email addresses and giving people THIS BOOK as a gift. If you want, you can get a free copy of Sophomore Undercover HERE.

The book is super funny. The author on the other hand is a bit scary. He might rape your baby.

I read the book. It was really funny at not nearly as gay as Amazon's review makes it sound.

"For fifteen-year-old, adopted Vietnamese orphan Dixie Nguyen, high school is one long string of hard-to-swallow humiliations... Dixie's luck takes a turn when he stumbles across one of the jocks using drugs in the locker room; not only does he finally have something newsworthy to write, but the chance to strike a blow against his tormentors at the school as well."

Monday, December 8, 2008

Hip To Be A Square?

I know Mac Dre took a strong anti-square position:

Mac Dre - Anti-Square

I would say this video prolly started the ANTI-SQUARE movement:

That video makes me want to puke.

Then Sesame Street responded with a very convincing PRO-SQUARE argument:

Totally, right?

But no, to further confuse you, people started hyping triangles:

They Might Be Giants - Particle Man

The 49ers

So classic.


Ex-cop Barry Cooper left the dark side and started the website where he sells his DVDs instructing you how to trick da bluebirds. Here's a piece on his newest project, a reality show called KopBusters:

Deys after our Kristmas Treez ya'll!

via J-Lolololo

Saturday, December 6, 2008

An "R" Rated, Rather Kinky Tale of Survival

a hot young don johnson and a talking dog chase tail. see this movie:

A Boy And His Dog (1975)

Friday, December 5, 2008

Dodgeball Groupies

Brooklyn seems fun:

special AZNs also fun:

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Got this greeting card in the mail:

Bankrolls is scarce, folks. Let the man haul your shit. Dude's got keys to 3 MEGA DUMPS. He ain't a bum and he don't MILINGER. It took him 8 WEEKS to design this card! The FONT-WORK is HOT! HIRE THIS DUDE!

Emotional Hippies

Just when I thought Nth Carolina was a really cool place, they pull this shit on me. I think that YouTube is fucking with me too Mr Wheeler... "I.... WOULD LIKE TO MOURN.... THE INTEGRITY...OF....YOU..TUUUUUUUUBE!"

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Feel The Beat

electric stimulus to face -test3 ( Daito Manabe )

Quality Promotion

Caught this on the news on Thanksgiving. Quality reporting. Quality promo. Quality dude. I'm a fan.

I <3 Lil Wayne. I <3 calling local news.


I used to love youtube. Today I went onto Youtube looking for "Bag Habit" by B-Legit. I wanted to use the song to illustrate how much Los Angeles has made me into a bitch. When that song came out I didn't know a single one of those designers, I probably picked up on the Louie and Gucci parts while in college, but for the most part I was clueless. One year in LA and now I know every fucking single one of them, and I can even give you the names of different furniture designers (for reallly).

I couldn't find the song, but I re-found the "Recommended for You" section of Youtube. This used to be great, they'd recommend me rap vidoes and videos of white girls shaking their meat parts, but not lately. Now every time I check they recommend me some weirdo borderline molester videos like THIS (breast feeding video) which has left a sour taste in my mouth and made me want to avoid the "Recommended for You" section. Today I made the mistake of checking out what Youtube thinks I might like and got:

Youtube needs to stop playing games.

I think with the combination of this blog post and the heartfelt emails asking them to cut out the boyz humping pillows videos, worked.

I just checked and Youtube recomended me YOGA BABES DANCING. THANX!

Someone is playing some baby games with my account.

He does have some tasty looking nippies though.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Drugs Exist in Japan Too

Sometimes when ppl get high they look AZN. I don't think I've ever seen an AZN high (maybe it rounds them out?), but I bet this Japanese musician Shugo Tokumaru tokes the umaru daily:

Shugo Tokumaru - Button

Shugo Tokumaru - Green Rain

Shugo Tokumaru - Karte

Shugo Tokumaru - Parachute

Monday, December 1, 2008


I miss Jim Rogers

Peaches and Cream

This song is real real nasty. I always thought Novel was a slow eater, but this weekend, a friend told me it's really about licking front-butt. I do not condone this action unless you need the lady to do you a really big favor.

I might be jaded when it comes to pussy eating, probably because the first girl who talked me into doing it, started bleeding mid-act. Gross.

Energy Saving Tip #2:
In this rough economy, B&B is trying to simplify your life, and save you money. My tip for today is save sex until you find a lady that's bleeding in her pants. It might be more mess, but there is almost zero stress. You can save money on condoms (little know trick, STDs can be killed by pouring vinegar on your man parts before you go in). Just think! You can save $2000 by avoiding just 4 abortions a year! For that kind of money think how many bricks you could buy to put in your toilet tank and minimize water waste in 2009 (after 10 years you can afford a Prius).

Energy Saving Tip #2.5
Have unprotected bloody sex at HER house. This way there's less stress the huge MESS of a murder scene you're about to create. If you're doing this at your house, you'll easily spend all the money you're saving on condoms and planned pregnancies on new sheets, bleach, and/or those plastic sheets that 8 year olds with pissy pants have.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Always & Forever

Dear Beezies and Bankrolls,
Sorry I haven't been very attentive to your needs lately. It has nothing to do with you, or my love for you. I've just been really busy with work and family things. I love you.

Alwayz + 4eva,

Mister W.

Monday, November 24, 2008

It's a Lifestyle


I knew I should've went to college! I love the advice from the girl holding the camera. "Just follow what he does". Some true words of wisdom right there!

Friday, November 21, 2008


Little Bruce - Mobbin' In My Old School

11-5 - Brousin'

Freddy B - I Cant Call It

San Quinn - Shock The Party

Catch the gas break dipping in the backstreets of the Rich.

Tru - Mobbin Thru The Hood

Young Bleed, Master P and C-Loc - How Ya Do Dat

TRU - I'm Bout It, Bout It

Do or Die - Powder Hard

West Rose!

Ray Luv - Definition of ah Hustla

Mr Doctor and Brotha Lynch Hung - Bloccstyle

Conscious Daughters - Fonky Expedition

See if you can catch the cameos in this one.

Richie Rich - Let's Ride


Jamal Crawford is a Warrior.
Bye bye Baby Al, hello batfuckingnuts highlights:

Defense is for suckers.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Favorite New Genre of Music

I'm still really into bay area rap and soul music but I'm going to start pretending to like this crap so I can perve out to art school whores mastering their microphone technique.

San Francisco Dreaming

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Game Related


Game Related - Soak Game

Merton Hanks

Gucci + Bay

Gucci Mane is the best bay area rapper right now (even though he's not from the bay).

HELLA ONES, is a song where Gucci Mane says "hella" a lot. The video is pretty fantastic, mostly b/c there's a lot of big butts. It's not very work appropriate, but if you want an accurate summery of what goes on in the video check out this chick's review. It's pretty accurate.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Deglazing the Pan

I never really understood the term salad tossing. Well I understand the act and it's benefits, but I could never figure out where the phrase came from. I'm suggesting we find a better term. Maybe something else originating from the kitchen?

Deglazing the pan.

Super Angry

Blapstar is a Blipster who I would get a lot of satisfaction from punching. For inspiring this awful person, I think Lil B should get banned from the internet.

Bonus: This should make me angry... but it doesn't

These Hoes Wanna Fuck My Car

Humpkin Pie

Ron Jeremy's been stirrin' the seeds since 1995:

"Humpkin Pie
Company: Heatwave Entertainment
Director: Mark
Cast: Alabama, Brianon, Dick Nasty, Frank Towers, Lennox, Ron Jeremy
Running Time: 86
Reviewed by: Alex Simmons
Reviewed In: January 1996

The phenomenally stacked Jordan St. James has thick, pouty lips and a pair of legs that stretch all the way up to her majestic ass. Jordan reclines on a poolside lounger to offer Frank Towers her mohawk juicebox, and without skipping a beat, hops into bed with Dick Nasty, where she blows him while slapping her melon-tits against his balls. Nothing too fancy, but Humpkin Pie has more than its share of smoke-curling moments."

B&B readers, let us know your thoughts on the MOHAWK JUICEBOX.

Money Wads

OJ Da Juiceman and I have the same approach to watching football. We both find a friend with a house in the Hollywood Hills that exercises top calibre couch game. We find bikini-clad babes to prepare our food. And we both have an appreciation for palm trees and quality greenery.

Project Pat, OJ Da Juiceman - Keep It Hood

This video kinda reminds me of (babe booty alert)

Global Warming

Is it still summertime or what? Another hot sunny day:

Celly Cel "Hot Sunny Day"

Monday, November 17, 2008

Young Bari

Gary the Rat.

Friday, November 14, 2008


Hey all you Orangina lovers out there, just because Halloween is over doesn't mean you have to wipe the pulp off your straws! Humpkin fever lasts all fall long!
check out these au natural humpkins sent to us by

and don't forget some LONG-STEM for the laydeez! (and puerto rico, HO!):

Big THX to need4seeds. keep sending in those humpkin pics ya'll!

and check out the definition of HUMPKIN on, clueless users there have been giving the true definition the thumbs down, what's up with that? they need a thumb up their kin-- their mom for instance.


Dubee - My Thang

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Emo Diplomacy

There is a lot of hate in this world towards Emo boyz and girlz. Not from me anymore. Today I contacted my accountant and I'm cutting off the funding I send to The Mexican Anti-Emo Army. When I first started sending this money I thought I was doing the right thing by making the world safe for future generations. I discovered a very eye opening website that has changed my mind. (NSFW) has taught me Emoz are people we can love, as long as they don't speak.


Mayer Hawthorne - Just Ain't Gonna Work Out

Dudley Perkins - Flowers


Colonic - Round 2 from Mary Rambin on Vimeo.

The first time she goes in for her colonic. I think it's funny to watch these and pretend she's doing sexier things than washing out the inside of her butt.

My Colonic from Mary Rambin on Vimeo.


This song has been stuck in my head for 4 months. It doesn't help that American Boy is on the radio every 15 seconds.

I'd let Beyonce take me out to breakfast. I'd floss her chain. There would be some sugar pouring and I'd...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

San Diego

I just got back into town from a 4 day stay in the Chupacabra's vagina, San Diego. Here is a short Youtube video essay with some highlights from my stay. While these may not be actual videos from my trip, they do an excellent job describing my experience.

The guys

Combine these three videos for the women.

Mixed with

Look at me! I'm hot.

The bars


Old people getting down

And a lot of these people

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Everyone knows that youth is magical. That's why I dress my 24 year old girlfriend up in a cheerleading outfit and pretend she's 14: the magic factor.

The Brunettes - Brunettes Against Bubblegum Youth (BABY)

Mac Dre, Smoov E, and San Quinn appreciate smooth skin:

Mac Dre - Show Me The Way
"No '89 earthquake bitches for Furl..."

this is a great song about what Boppers' magic can do to you:

LA Boppers - You Did It Good

Chamillionaire's lil brother Rasaq sings about how Boppers like his diamonds:

Rasaq - Boppers All On My Jock


Friday, November 7, 2008

Weather Girlz

Up in the Bay Area the weather was always the shittiest segment on the local news. Before I moved to Los Angeles, this was always when I got up to grab something from the fidge or use the potty. The weather girlz in L.A. are super top-notch, almost to the point of making up for all the shitty crap down here.

In the mornings I like to chill with big breasted Elita Loresca on KNBC. Her chest is so fluffy, for a better look check out her pictures in FHM.

After work I love to spend my time with Jackie Johnson on KCAL because she is always the most informative about the weather I already experienced all day long.

Sometimes when I'm feeling extra lonely I switch to the Spanish stations because they have the sluttiest weather girlz.

Lucille Bogan - Shave 'em Dry (1935)

I got nipples on my titties, big as the end of my thumb,
I got somethin' between my legs'll make a dead man come,
Oh daddy, baby won't you shave 'em dry?
Want you to grind me baby, grind me until I cry.
Say I fucked all night, and all the night before baby,
And I feel just like I wanna, fuck some more,
Oh great God daddy,
Grind me honey and shave me dry,
And when you hear me holler baby, want you to shave it dry.
I got nipples on my titties, big as the end of my thumb,
Daddy you say that's the kind of 'em you want, and you can make 'em come,
Oh, daddy shave me dry,
And I'll give you somethin' baby, swear it'll make you cry.
I'm gon' turn back my mattress, and let you oil my springs,
I want you to grind me daddy, 'til the bell do ring,
Oh daddy, want you to shave 'em dry,
Oh great God daddy, if you can't shave 'em baby won't you try?
Now if fuckin' was the thing, that would take me to heaven,
I'd be fuckin' in the studio, till the clock strike eleven,
Oh daddy, daddy shave 'em dry,
I would fuck you baby, honey I'd make you cry.
Now your nuts hang down like a damn bell sapper,
And your dick stands up like a steeple,
Your goddam ass-hole stands open like a church door,
And the crabs walks in like people.
Ow, shit!
Ooh! Baby, won't you shave 'em dry
A big sow gets fat from eatin' corn,
And a pig gets fat from suckin',
Reason you see this whore, fat like I am,
Great God, I got fat from fuckin'.
Eeeeh! Shave 'em dry
My back is made of whalebone,
And my cock is made of brass,
And my fuckin' is made for workin' men's two dollars,
Great God, round to kiss my ass.
Oh! Whoo, daddy, shave 'em dry

Thursday, November 6, 2008


Get high. Watch this film:


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

One of the best nights of my life...

Last night, while watching Obama kill it, I ate some chips and barakamole, then smoked some barakoli (8 more years of these jokes), then devoured a square apple pie (to symbolize change in America), then watched the best episode of INTERVENTION I've ever seen:

This bitch huffs computer duster. Yarra WHOA. Must see TV (the rest of the episode is on youtube).

Track Meat

I need to hang out at more track meets.

Sarah: I Wanna Lay Pipe

John Brown Ft. Mistah FAB - Sarah Palin (I Wanna Lay Pipe) - Remix (zshare)

I saw this over on The Bay Is Back, the verse by Fabby is real short, but it's worth a listen just for the "John tapped me" and "We're gonna lay more pipe" samples.

Lyrics to Mistah FAB's verse
Sarah, Sarah you're so fine
Sarah, Sarah's she's on my mind
Hey Sarah, how dare ya let Obama's people scare ya
Oh ya Sarah, your mascara reminds me of this girl erika
Your butt is so big that I just love to stare at cha
If you don't get in the White House, you can come to my house
But after I lay this pipe, you're right,
You can get right out of my house with no sailin
Barely breathing or inhaling

lol @ "get a taste of the moose stew"

I still dig the The I Just Wanna Fuck Alyssa Milano more.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Batter Blaster

I've been seeing this at the super market a lot lately. New junk slang is everywhere.

John McCain's Bubble...

...BURST. punk rock.


(via Alvo)

Tru 2 Da Game

"OldSkoolNoLimit" recently uploaded TRU's album Tru 2 Da Game onto Youtube, one of my all time favorites.

People that know me know that Candy by Cameo is my jam, so when three brothers from Richmond / New Orleans remake it into a drug anthem, I really can't be mad.

TRU - I Got Candy

TRU is Master P, C-Murder, Silkk Tha Shocker.

Doesn't Silkk Tha Shocker sound like a someone's costume to a frat halloween party?

Silkk Tha Shocker - It Ain't My Fault

His line, "I'll make your hardest toughest rapper brush his teeth w/ my dick" always makes me feel uncomfortable.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Energy Conservation

Our power companies are always trying to give us advice on how to save energy at home... turn your thermostat to this temperature, do your laundry at this time, buy these light bulbs... but seldom are we offered energy saving advice in areas of our lives that matter. I'm here to help you. I've made it though life cutting corners, flying under the radar and half ass'ing just about everything I do. After all, how are you supposed to stop global warming and save money if you don't have the time or energy?

Problem: After a long night you are ready to be done doing sex but can't come to that end result your lady is looking for...

Energy Saving Tip: Hock a loogie on your hand, remove the meat, throw the loogie on her back, say thank you, take 2 Advil and you're off to sleep. You get to go to bed, her feelings aren't hurt and unnecessary chafing is at a minimum.

I know this isn't the most gentleman'y solution to the problem, remember I am only trying to save you time and energy, if you don't like it talk to Ann Landers.

Next Week: Doing the dishes

Friday, October 31, 2008


On my recent trip to Texas, I discovered an alternative Halloween activity popular among the sexually adventurous residents of Austin: HUMPKINS

A UT grad student nicknamed "Grimy" claims he invented the HUMPKIN because "none of my undergrads were willing to tug my gourd."

According to Grimy, there are different types of HUMPKINS for different kind of HUMPKERS:

Traditional "jacks" carve their humpkins like jack-o-lanters, scooping out the seeds, carving a hole, and placing a candle inside to warm things up (just remember to blow it out before "squashing it").

"Seeders" leave the seeds in and microwave the pumpkin for 15-30 seconds prior to "chunkin' it." Jacks often label Seeders noobs, "it's easy to just poke a hole in a pumpkin and fuck it, where's the fun in that?" says an jack who identified himself as The Zucch. "It ain't art," replied a seeder ironically named Art. "I do what feels right."

Gay or straight, jack or seeder, all humpkers agree: there's nothing like the first time. "You don't carve the hole all the way, so you've got a layer of pulp to poke through," says Grimy. "It really gives you a sense of accomplishment... and, it won't be that tight ever again..."

Carved a HUMPKIN? Email us a pic at

This Year Halloween Fell On A Weekend

"This year halloween fell on a weekend
Me and geto boyz are trick-or-treating
Robbing little kids for bags"

If you're in the Bay Area,

If you need any inspiration for the ride,

Lil Q and Baby Champ - CAR TO A BIKE

Thursday, October 30, 2008

This Bitch Makes Me Angry

Before discovering this girl's videos, I used to put on some Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz if I really wanted to get my Incredible Hulk on for "the club" or doing sex or any of the other extreme activities in my extreme lifestyle. I don't know if it's because of her misshapen Mr. Potato Head features or if she's just an annoying whore but god damn she makes me angry!!!

I know it's not very Gandhi of me, but I really want to punch her in that big nose.

Cheese Oven

From now on I'm calling lady parts the "Cheese Oven".

On a related note. I <3 Amy Sedaris

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

An Ode

I can't get the Obama girl from yesterday out of my mind. If you're reading this, these love songs are for you...

My Girl

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Loving You (Is Easy B/C You're Busty)

When A Man Loves a Woman

Baby Love

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Who R U Voting 4


G-Spot Boyz

I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know I'm going to get kinda super throwed for Halloween. I've got my costume mostly figured out, I know where I'll be celebrating and I know what I'll be drinking but until yesterday I didn't know the dance that I'd be doing.

Drum roll

I'll be doing the Stanky Legg

Download the MP3 G-Spot Boyz - Stanky Legg (Yousendit)

(via Different Kitchen)

I <3 Dallas rapp

Monday, October 27, 2008

But, That Is Nothing

Brazilian Mami Monday!

Elza Soares - Mas Que Nada

a cover of the original:

Jorge Ben Jor - Mais Que Nada (1963)

and then there were tons of other covers, including this dance song from 1998 (con babes):

EchoBeatz - Mas Que Nada (1998)

and this Nike commercial featuring terrorists kicking a bomb around an airport:

Friday, October 24, 2008

Smells Like Clam-knuckle

this happened to my friend moneybags. his girl sniffed it and said it smelled like cheesy lava sauce, so it was all good, dude was just gettin his fourth meal on.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Interview with Berkeley's Hard Knock

I got the chance to talk with Berkeley's greatest rap group,Hard Knock, in an exclusive Beezies & Bankrolls interview.

First some pictures off their myspace to familiarize you with the the group

Da Kid

Lil Nico


How did you guys meet?

Me (Da Kid) and Lil Niko met in a cypher behind Steamworks in Berkeley. About a month later we met Freaky while we were camping out in front of the Virgin Megastore to meet Clay Aiken during an album signing. We all got along so well and had so much in common that we were inseparable from then on. This was a very happy day in all of our lives.

We did get sad when Clay's tour manager told us that we weren't what they were looking for in back-up dancers.

What are some swagger enhancing tips for the kids?

Our number one tip is never stop celebrating Jesus.

Who's swagger inspires you?

Lately we've been really into Liberace, that guy's swagger is so on point. All that fur, all those diamonds, he's quite the sex symbol. He's sexier than Cam'ron.

What are your thoughts on Old Spice's Swagger deodorant?

It's actually a funny story, this is how the hook for "Swagger Right" came about. We used to be all about TAG deodorant when we were going through our Abercrombie faze. Once we started rapping more hardcore our crew decided to all switch over to Old Spice's Swagger flavor. Lil Nico has really really short arms, which wasn't much of a problem while using TAG because it was spray on. With Swagger since it's roll on, Lil Nico's arms couldn't really reach, so he'd have to lean his torso closer to his tiny T-Rex arms. We would all gather around and cheer him on "Lean get your swagger right", that's where the dance came from.

How did the whole BET thing come about?

This is such an amazing story. We are HUGE fans of America's Next Top Model, and we made a couple tribute mixtapes just for Tyra and J Alexander somehow Freaky mixed up the mailing addresses and was sending the mixtapes to the cast of BET's Baldwin Hills (go figure). One thing led to another and we got on 106 and Park. It was all very exciting.

Does going on Youtube and seeing all the lames doing your dance make you guys upset? Or is it just a sign that you are on to something good?

Do you mean the fat Asian? Yeah it really bothers us. Soulja boy gets buffed out shirtless dudes to get while and crazy doing his dances, we get the bottom of the social barrel. But i guess every trashcan has it's lid.

Explain Hard Knock's notalkin movement.

Our NOTALKIN movement is a lot like the Army's don't ask don't tell policy. Yeah it's true we're into men, but we ain't tellin'.

Who are you guys listening to?

Only the most swagger having dudes, Elton John, Liberace, Cam'ron and of course Clay.

This interview was a lot tougher to get than I initially expected. There was a lot of back and forth correspondences on Myspace, finally I got the answers I was looking for in our gmail inbox.

Now I just wish I would have asked how the "Hard Knock" name came about. : one of my favorite sites documenting pro athlete's sipping habits

Davey B here enjoyed one too many BL+Lime

"Hey seriously, call me. Hey, no, seriously, call me. I'll make it juicy for you."
It's hard to tell when AZNs are winking or not.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Gimme Racks

I've been a loyal fan of The (Wolf)Pack for almost four years now, much like being a 49ers or Warriors fan, it hasn't been easy. Before Young L's ridiculous auto-tune love disco dance tracks or the 30 or more myspace music pages filled with Lil B's craptasic nonsensical suburban peace and luv inspiration tracks, it was pretty easy to defend my position that The Pack is next level. It's getting rough, and harder not to feel like a teeny bopper.

Young L and Lil B keep disappointing me with their lowrent attempts to make a Gym Class Fall Out Heroes online presence. A good example is this 18 minute long video of pure discomfort.

Even after watching videos like the one above and listening to horribly shitty "songs" I find it nearly impossible to be mad at him for three reasons:

1. His diamonds

2. Songs like this

3. His skills wrangling Myspace groupies (He claims to have over 600 pictures from lady fans), here's a sampling

So in the end, I think I'll be swinging from their Lil Young Stunnarific sacks for a while longer.